Friday Fictioneers is on Facebook hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. You can read other stories or better join in and write your own at https://rochellewisoff.com/. A complete story in 100 words in response to a photo prompt. I’ve been too busy these last few weeks to read or write but I’ve enjoyed today’s challenge and am looking forward to reading some other stories. My natural story length for this seems to be settling at 120 or so words so editing is becoming a wee bit easier, I think.
After the fire
It was the water she remembered: acute shining fountains; reflections everywhere.
They could watch from their window. Safe, the chief said, behind the yellow ribbon. A crowd gathered on the street below. This was entertainment, nothing terrible, and besides, said the chief, nobody lived on the premises.
But as the show went on, the crowd were paled by the ash, their faces streaked with irritant tears. They coughed and went away.
The morning after, the ribbon was still up and the hydrants exposed. Street quiet and no one but cleaners and menders and doorway sleepers wandering invisible, dazed or dead.
Oh, this breaks my heart. People become the unseen when they are homeless.
So true and same with so many night workers – what they’re doing is invisible too
Beautifully graphic!
Wow, powerful imagery. Well done.
I see what you did there for the unseen.
Thank you!
Well done.Good story about the homeless. Your presented a powerful story.
Thank you!
I loved the picture you painted with your words.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
That’s a very nice thing to say. Thank you
I love the change in tone in such a short space of words – from excitement to sadness.
Thank you Claire. Much appreciated.
This is so graphic. Excellent.
Click to read my FriFic!
Really well constructed. I was appalled at the “wandering, invisible, dazed or dead.”
Thank you very much
Dear Rachel,
“no one lives here anyway.” How sad. Well constructed story with a sock to the gut the end.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Beautifully rendered with such an ache at the end. Loved it.
100 words is still a challenge for me–even after doing FF (on and off) for almost three words. I host whatpegmansaw.com/blog/ if you ever want to give 150 words a try 🙂
I guess you mean 3 years, but with word counts on the brain! Perfect Slip. Thank you I would like to give it a try!
LOL you are right. Not getting enough sleep day after day is frying my brain!
Great story-telling! The opening description conjures excitement. The final line is tragic, as you force us to confront the plight of the unseen. Possibly the best writing, though, is your transition paragraph “But as the show went on, the crowd were paled by the ash, their faces streaked with irritant tears. They coughed and went away.” It’s a beautifully judged progression from thrill through unease to heartbreak. Well done indeed!
This is a great piece of writing. Really tugged at the heart strings. How often we don’t see things – or choose not to see them.
Thank you so much.
Such great descriptions, and then the last word brings the reader up short. So well done.
Thank you!
Wonderful descriptions, a snapshot of a dramatic event that becomes mundane. Lovely, Rachel
Thank you so much and for your other ‘likes’. Much appreciated!
My pleasure. I really enjoyed your posts and am sorry I didn’t find your site earlier 🙂