I’ve just joined Friday Fictioneers on Facebook hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. You can read other stories or join to write your own at https://rochellewisoff.com/. This was my first attempt at Flash Fiction. A complete story in 100 words in response to a photo prompt. Here it is.
He sat on the bench, feet off the floor and underneath him. There was one other person: a girl. She walked down the platform towards him. Before he looked down, he thought how pretty. She had big, duck feet and battered white shoes; coming closer, she smelt of fresh things. The rails started to ring and she stopped in front of him. Doors opened and slammed and then she was gone with the train. Quiet. Except: her battered shoes, posed, inches from the platform’s edge like a dark joke and his bare feet filthy. He went to get them, smiling.
Sweet story, very well written. Welcome to Friday Fictioneers 🙂
Thank you. It wasn’t easy. Because of the word count, I found punctuation became really important e.g. as a way of marking time. Really interesting experience!
Dear Rachel,
A worthy story and sweet first attempt. Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. I look forward to more from you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
PS This group and exercise in brevity are highly addictive. 😉
Thank you very much. I can well imagine the addictive aspect. Like the tight parameters.
A simply delightful tale. I hope the battered shoes fitted his filthy feet!
Looking forward to reading your stories next week and beyond.
My 100-word story
Thank you. Yes they did fit! I guess that means he also had big duck feet!
She seems almost like an angel coming along like that and leaving him the shoes he needed.
Well done and welcome.
Hi there! Thank you, what a great thought. I wanted her to have a kind of magical quality.
A very sweet story Rachel. What a kind act on the part of that girl.
Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. 🙂
Thank you. I Really appreciate the warm welcome!
Well done. The only thing which threw me off was the description ‘big duck feet.’ It took me out of the story for a few moments, until I read the end and realized she wasn’t some duck-footed alien. At least, I don’t think she was:)
No she wasn’t but it shows the force of a single word in such a short, short story. Thank you!
And I’m smiling, too 🙂
Lovely